there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
