OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
