The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
