a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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