come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
