better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
