Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
