Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
