i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
