i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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