so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
As shirtless as possible
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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