So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
