'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
