Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
