you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
