The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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