You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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