I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
