Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
