smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
