guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drake has all the answers
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
