he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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