just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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