you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
