My liver just broke up with me...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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