We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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