Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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