is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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