Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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