hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
