so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
