I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
