The maid of honor just puked.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
