I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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