I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
