i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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