And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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