I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
