Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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