I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
