im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
