so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
