well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
