you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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