The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
