just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
