so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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