Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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