based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
