I CAN MOONWALK!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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