Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
