no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
