I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
